Freedom From Spiritual Abuse & Controlling Leaders Part 3

Because spiritual abuse and controlling leaders is a complicated issue, I decided to break it down, rather than overwhelming you with information. I trust you were ministered to by Part 1 and Part 2 of my Freedom from Spiritual Abuse & Controlling Leaders blogs. Make sure you go there first, if you haven’t read them yet.

God is a God of freedom and wants His Bride free. Sometimes the threats to freedom come from the very people who confess the name of Jesus. Here are some red flags in addition to the ones I mentioned in Part 1 and Part 2 for abusive leadership – spiritual or otherwise:

•  In order to gain the acceptance of its leaders, your church constantly requires more and more of your life with no end in sight -and little encouragement along the way
• Ongoing exhaustion and sacrificial giving
• Inordinate focus on submission and authority
• The leader has a spirit of entitlement to the service of others for their vision and their ambitions
• There is a sense that only the leader’s needs matter
• Inordinate focus on tithing for blessing
• A leader takes the place of Jesus/Holy Spirit/Father God
• There is control with fear of their displeasure/disapproval – fear of man vs. God
• A prevailing sense that you are not perfected enough or whole enough – public shame or belittlement
• Use of scripture to shun or punish people
• Discrediting of others’ experiences or interpretation of scripture
• Not allowing disagreement, while maintaining relationship

I want to unpack the last red flag – disagreement – as I think this will be helpful.

All believers need to remain teachable, whether we are leaders or followers. We need to be able to admit fault when it is ours to admit. This is consistent with the humility of simply not knowing it all. A healthy leader’s job is to instill an atmosphere where it is safe to question what they are teaching, or questionable behaviors. Authentically questioning leaders is not in itself rebellious or dishonoring – it is a heart issue.

The question of the heart is whether or not we questioning leaders to challenge authority the God has given them or are we sincerely wanting to know something better or be helpful. If the motive is love and learning, that is appropriate.

In addition, it is a safety for leaders and the people they serve to have people they are accountable to, and who also can bring outside persepctive. It is important to note, however, that true accountability is something that is given by permission. The motive for the one holding that accountability should be in love for all involved. It is not something that we take upon ourselves.

On the other side, leaders carry burdens that people have no idea about, unless they have carried similar burdens. No leader is perfect and all need to have a safe place they can go to with weaknesses, struggles, sin, insecurities, brokenness and woundedness etc. It’s very easy to judge and criticize when you are not on that playing field. Even though there are abusive leaders, most leaders are genuinely trying to help, and are trying to do their best. They need support and prayer – even in the places where they are truly messing up.

The bottom line is that a healthy church body should produce peace and rest for your soul and this is something that not only is possible, but of great importance. If you would like to receive healing from spiritual abuse, and need more professional help overcoming that damage, I encourage you to check out Safe Place Ministries.

If you want more information, I will be doing a Ministry Burnout & Spiritual Abuse Workshop in the Colorado Springs, CO area on May 12, 2018, with a bonus Prophetic Journey with Jesus at Pulse Church. You can click here for more information. I will be recording the whole workshop, which will be available for purchase here.

I am so honored to be able to speak into your lives. Believing for freedom and fulfillment for you as you continue your journey.