How to Be OK in the Midst of Not OK Part 2

There are things in life which are simply not OK. How do we get through? How do we get past survival and into prospering and thriving? In Part 1 of this series, we explored God’s heart on the matter. We also spent a great deal of time learning what it means to “retreat into God” for what we need. 

In Part 2 of the series, I will discuss more practical ways to be OK when things are not OK. The first area we will explore is that of community.

Take Strength from Community

As God’s kids, we were created in love for love by the Person of Love, God Himself! What does that mean? We were created for community (yes, even you introverts)!

Community is simply a unified body of individuals. Think about it. God has ETERNALLY been in community: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They travel in a pack. They are One and cannot be split up. This is why Jesus said, “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). We see this also in Galatians 4:6, which says:

6 And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” New Living Translation (NLT)

We are created in the image and likeness of God as Father, Son, and Spirit, united as Love in love (Gen. 1:26-27; Eph. 1:4; 1 John 4:8, 16). That means there are no healthy lone rangers!

People who are off on their own, in prolonged isolation saying “all need is Jesus” are either under a delusion or probably have significant relational damage. We simply were made as a family for family in the context of a wider familial community. 

After all, if every human is a child of God (Acts 17:24-29), that means we are ALL brothers and sisters in Christ. Yes, even the most obnoxious person you know! Keep in mind, none of us are totally healthy, but that does not belie the truth of our origin!

As a matter a fact, one of Jesus’ final prayers before He went to the cross was most notably:

20 “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; 21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. 22 And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one:  23 I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.
John 17:20-23 (New King James Version, emphasis added)

To live fulfilling, healthy lives, we need love and relationship like we need air. This is why so much of our greatest pain and suffering in life is because of relationships that have gone haywire.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 in The Amplified Bible (AMP) says:

9 Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labor; 10 for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, then they keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? 12 And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (emphasis added)

Much of our greatest accomplishments will only happen with a team! We need others to help pick us up and others will need us to help pick them up. Life is cold and lonely without companionship. We are also vulnerable to threats, inside and out, when we are isolated. Galatians 6:2 in The Passion Translation (TPT) says:

2 Love empowers us to fulfill the law of the Anointed One as we carry each other’s troubles. (emphasis added)

Oh, how I love this last scripture! The law of the Anointed One is the Law of Christ (Who is the Anointed One), which is the Law of Love! Jesus stated a new commandment that He has given us—to love one another as He loves us (John 13:34). What does this look like practically? To carry one another’s troubles!

That means we see, care, and support one another in whatever way God leads and empowers. Note, God does not empower us to carry the weight of responsibility for others (that’s between them and God). But we love and honor others by supporting them in their burdens. This is practical love in action! THIS requires community of some kind!

Praying for one another is a crucial discipline in mature, healthy community. Matthew 18:19-20 says:

19 Again, I give you an eternal truth: If two of you agree to ask God for something in a symphony of prayer, my heavenly Father will do it for you. 20For wherever two or three come together in honor of my name, I am right there with them!” TPT (emphasis added)

There are some things that just will not be answered outside of agreement with others. God created us to be dependent upon Him and interdependent with one another. Hebrews 10:23-25 admonishes us to:

23 So now wrap your heart tightly around the hope that lives within us, knowing that God always keeps his promises! 

 24 Discover creative ways to encourage others and to motivate them toward acts of compassion, doing beautiful works as expressions of love. 

25 This is not the time to pull away and neglect meeting together, as some have formed the habit of doing. In fact, we should come together even more frequently, eager to encourage and urge each other onward as we anticipate that day dawning. TPT (emphasis added)

Brian Simmons comments that in verse 24, the Aramaic can be translated “Let us look on one another with the excitement of love.” He continues his commentary in verse 25 that the idea of abandoning meeting together implies in the Greek a person who is extremely discouraged. When we are extremely discouraged is when we are most at risk to isolate and abandon community.

The context of this verse is for the incredibly trying times ahead of the first century church. But it applies to all of us. We need MORE community and support in trying times. We cannot afford to isolate. 

This has been a particular pain point for much of the church body today, when people pull away from toxic church leadership or unhealthy doctrine in a deconstruction process. If Christ is not held onto, there is nothing left but painful meaninglessness. This is aggravated by the isolation often involved. There is safety and healing if we journey together.

The answers needed in this process deserve more attention for this than I can give here. Keep following Christ. Look to Him, and He will heal you and bring you into healthy community. Keep your eyes open and be aware that it might not look like you thought, but it will be good. Take the next step He is leading and then the one after that.

Healthy (not perfect) community can be one of your greatest joys and greatest protections!

Allow Yourself to Have a Problem

Why did I include this here? In my experience, there are MANY people who are not OK—REALLY not OK—but they simply do not allow themselves to admit the significance of the problem. They are hemorrhaging out and saying, “Nah, it’s just a flesh wound!” 

Why do people do this? There are many reasons. One is that they are so used to painful bondage that they think that is normal(ish). That is all or most of what they know. 

Another reason is that they have not allowed in their families/community/culture to admit they have a problem, as this is considered a shameful sign of weakness. In some Christian streams, people are afraid to say they have a problem because they have been taught that this would be confessing and, hence, empowering the problem. The truth is that when we admit to a real problem, we are just being honest. And this is what is needed to bring it to God and people for help. 

Another very common reason is that people are often terrified to face the depths of wounds they have suffered. So they bury, minimize, and medicate to keep going. That is, until some crisis hits and they are forced face things. 

But credit goes to my friend, Paul Young, who says, “The unexposed is the unhealed.” These hurts, traumas, destructive patterns are coming up to be healed. This requires honesty and bravery. And we will be surprised of how honest and brave we can be with God’s help directly and through others. But we have to “fess up” and probably keep “fessing” until it all comes out one issue at a time. 

Don’t Allow Shame to Cause You to Hide

This brings us to our next topic, which is related but deserves specific attention. These are the things that we feel shame about: sin that we participate in or sin that was inflicted upon us (or both). Remember when I wrote:

We are convicted of righteousness that exposes sinful ways of being in order to be healed of those destructive patterns that are not worthy of us.

So, how does God approach sin? To get a better picture, we need a New Covenant lens pointing to Father, Son, and Spirit as Love epitomized by Christ on the cross as other-giving, self-sacrificial, co-suffering Love.

We have a telling picture when Jesus was confronted by outraged Pharisees for dining with tax-collectors and sinners—lots of sin present. 

Matthew 9:11 says:

When those known as the Pharisees saw what was happening, they were indignant, and they kept asking Jesus’ disciples, “Why would your Master dine with such lowlifes?”

12When Jesus overheard this, he spoke up and said, “Healthy people don’t need to see a doctor, but the sick will go for treatment.” 13Then he added, “Now you should go and study the meaning of the verse:

I want you to show mercy, not just offer me a sacrifice. For I have come to invite the outcasts of society and sinners, not those who think they are already on the right path.” TPT (emphasis added) 

Brian Simmons comments that the word for sick can also mean evil.

What’s the point here? God, as seen in Christ, talks about sin in terms of sickness that needs healing, not in terms of law-breaking. Law-breaking is all about punishment for the breaking of moral code. God is all about healing sin, not punishing it. He wants to strip shame off you because it is an attack on who you really are. You were created, chosen, joined to Him before we were ever sent to planet earth. And we were created as spotless and holy before Him in Love (Eph. 1:4, Eph. 2:10, 2 Tim, 1:9-10). The Fall did not change our parentage (Acts 17:23-29 and Rom. 8:15-17), our original design (Eph. 2:10 and Eph. 1:4), or the truth of His choice and the joining of us to Himself (Eph. 1:4 and 2 Tim.1:9-10). 

We have all sinned, and that is just true (Rom. 3:23). Guilt is appropriate where we have truly sinned. It means we have a working healthy conscience. But God has forgiven every sin you or I have committed or will ever commit. Hebrews 10:12, 14 says, referring to Jesus as our High Priest:

12 But when this Priest had offered the one supreme sacrifice for sin for all time he sat down on a throne at the right hand of God, 14And by his one perfect sacrifice he made us perfectly holy and complete for all time! TPT (emphasjs added) 

The idea is, unlike Adam and Eve who ran away and hid from God with their sin, we can run TO God to receive the forgiveness that He already has, letting Him wash us of guilt and shame. 

Moreover, the word says there is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). Condemnation is never appropriate because we have been forgiven, and Jesus really accomplished something earth shattering on the cross on our behalf. Guilt says I did bad. Condemnation and the shame it brings say I AM bad. And THAT is a lie that keeps people trapped. It also is an insult to the work of the cross. 

Romans 8:31-34 makes this dramatically clear:

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? 33 Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. TPT (emphasis added) 

If God has justified you (made you just in His perfect vision), then who are you, your feelings, anyone else, or the enemy to say you are not just?

That is why I tell people in the honesty of the sinful things that truly have happened to run to God with their guilt to receive forgiveness and cleansing, but to resist condemnation as much as they resist sin. God wants to strip all the guilt and shame off. You don’t need to hide. God sees you as you REALLY are: His son/daughter, beautiful, clean, holy, and powerful! You are “as Christ is in this world” (1 John 4:17). Let Him help you see and feel that more and more!

To help you be free, you will probably need help from at least one other TRUSTWORTHY person if you have a lot of shame. Confession is healing because shame breeds in hidden places. 

James 5:16 says:

16 Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working]. AMP (emphasis added)

When you experience someone else hearing your deepest, darkest sin and shame and you see there is compassion—not judgment or disgust in their eyes—you can begin to heal. There is tremendous freedom and healing in confession and prayer!

Take Care of Your Health 

When you are not OK, your body and soul are under intense stress. You need to intentionally take care of your body with proper nutrition, hydration, rest, and exercise. And you need to intentionally avoid destructive things: abusing drugs, abusing alcohol, pornography/promiscuity, binging, purging, starving, cutting, and so forth. Your body, soul, and spirit are interconnected. You cannot heal well emotionally if you are abusing/neglecting your body. This is hard, but it is part of loving and caring for yourself—even if it is “by faith.” Ask the Lord to help you care for yourself when things are not OK. 

Seek Professional Help

There are times when you need extra help. There is no shame in this. It is courageous and wise. Ask the Lord to show you if you need professional help and where to go if you do. Be led by peace. If it does not feel right “in your knower,” you haven’t found the right resource. He will guide you. He will also provide the finances, childcare (if needed), time, and energy. Ask Him and trust Him. The earlier you go, not waiting for a crash and burn, the easier it will be and the faster you will feel better. You will never regret investing in yourself and the growth and freedom.

I am standing with you in your journey! Let me know how this has ministered to you. 

Much Love,

Catherine