The Moment I Realized I Was Afraid to Be Seen

I sat across from my husband at the dinner table, fiddling with my napkin, willing my heart to stop pounding. The warmth of the candlelight softened the room, but it did nothing to quiet the storm brewing inside me. I had something I needed to say—something that had been lodged in my heart for years—but fear held my tongue captive.

I had always prided myself on being “strong.” Not needing too much. Not asking for too much. I had learned, through years of both subtle and overt disappointments, that keeping my expectations low meant avoiding heartbreak. It was easier to be self-sufficient than to risk exposing a longing that might not be met.

But the truth was, I longed for deeper intimacy. I longed to share my heart—to be seen, truly seen, by the one I loved most. Yet every time I considered opening up, a familiar voice whispered in the back of my mind: What if it’s too much? What if you’re too much? And so, I swallowed my words and plastered on a smile, hoping he wouldn’t notice the turmoil beneath the surface.

That night, as I wrestled with whether to speak, I felt a gentle nudge in my spirit. “Will you let yourself be fully seen?” The question echoed deep within me, exposing the walls I had so carefully built.

I wanted to say yes. I wanted to believe that love was strong enough to hold me in my vulnerability. But years of self-protection had conditioned me to stay silent. And yet, something inside me knew that staying hidden was no longer an option.

I took a deep breath, summoned every ounce of courage I had, and finally spoke.

Overcoming Fear in Love: Walls We Build and Love’s True Nature

As soon as the words left my mouth, I braced myself for rejection. Would he think less of me? Would my need be too much? Would this crack in my carefully composed exterior make me look weak?

For so long, I had believed that love required a certain level of self-containment. That if I was easygoing enough, undemanding enough, I could secure the love and acceptance I so desperately desired. Vulnerability, I had been taught through experience, was risky. And risk often led to pain.

The irony, of course, is that the very walls we build to protect ourselves end up imprisoning us. Overcoming fear in love means tearing down those walls—not to expose ourselves to harm, but to unlock the intimacy we’ve been craving all along. We think we’re shielding our hearts, but in reality, we’re locking ourselves out of the very intimacy we crave. Love was never meant to be safe. It was meant to be real. And real love demands openness—not the curated, filtered version of ourselves, but the raw, unedited truth of who we are.

This struggle isn’t new. Since the beginning of time, fear and shame have driven humanity to hide. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden, their first instinct was to cover themselves and retreat into the shadows.

• “I was afraid, so I hid,” Adam confessed (Genesis 3:10).
• How often do we do the same? How often do we hide because we’re afraid that if someone truly sees us, they might not love what they find?

Yet, here’s the radical truth: Love does not demand perfection; it invites authenticity and covers vulnerability. God, in His infinite love, doesn’t ask us to have it all together before coming to Him. He sees our mess, our fears, our insecurities, and the shame we try to hide—and He loves us right there.

But the question remains: Will we let ourselves be seen?

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear—But Only If We Let It In

Love and fear cannot coexist. They are opposing forces, each pulling us in different directions.

• Fear says, Hide. Protect yourself. Don’t trust too much.
• Love says, Come closer. Be known. Be free.

1 John 4:18 reminds us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” This verse isn’t just a poetic sentiment; it’s a promise. Love—when it is true, when it is rooted in God—has the power to drive out the fear that holds us captive.

But here’s the catch: Love can only cast out fear if we let it in.

That night at the dinner table, I had a choice. I could let love in, or I could retreat behind my familiar walls. I could trust that my vulnerability would be met with grace, or I could allow fear to keep me isolated.

Taking a deep breath, I chose love.

I told my husband what had been weighing on my heart. I voiced the needs I had been afraid to express. And in that moment, I experienced something unexpected—freedom.

The Unexpected Gift of Vulnerability

I had spent years believing that vulnerability was a liability. That to be fully known was to risk being fully rejected. But what I discovered in that moment was that vulnerability is not a weakness—it is a gift.

Instead of rejection, I was met with understanding. Instead of feeling exposed, I felt embraced.

Was it perfect? No. Human love rarely is. But in that exchange, I caught a glimpse of something deeper—a reflection of God’s love; a love that sees us fully and remains. A love that does not flinch at our fears, our insecurities, our imperfections or deep shame.

This is the kind of love God offers us. He doesn’t just tolerate us; He delights in us. Zephaniah 3:17 tells us, “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

For years, I wrestled with this truth. If you have too, my book Marked by Love takes you on a journey to encounter Love Himself. You don’t have to wonder if you are seen, accepted, and adored. You are. You can download a free chapter here.

How to Step Out of Fear and Into Love

Fear is a relentless voice, whispering lies that keep us bound. It tells us we are not safe, not enough, or that love will fail us. But what if fear isn’t telling the truth? What if love—real, divine love—is inviting us to step out, risk, and experience something greater?

I know this battle all too well. For years, I let fear dictate how much of my heart I revealed, even to those I loved the most. It felt safer to hold back, to manage expectations, to stay in control. But love isn’t about control. Love is about surrender.

The process of stepping out of fear and into love isn’t instant, nor is it always easy. But it is worth it. So, how do we begin?

1. Recognizing Fear for What It Is

Fear often disguises itself as wisdom. It tells us we are simply “being careful” or that we are “protecting ourselves.” But there’s a stark difference between discernment and fear.

• Discernment listens to the Holy Spirit and leads us into truth.
• Fear keeps us stuck, avoiding risks that could lead to deeper love and intimacy.

For me, fear kept me silent when I longed to be seen. It convinced me that vulnerability would lead to rejection. But God, in His infinite patience, kept inviting me to trust Love more than fear.

2. Learning to Receive Love First

We cannot give what we haven’t received. If we are living in fear, it often means we haven’t fully received God’s love for us. 1 John 4:19 tells us, “We love because He first loved us.”

Receiving love isn’t passive; it’s an active process of:

• Allowing God to heal the wounds that make us afraid.
• Releasing past betrayals and disappointments to Him.
• Letting go of the need to control outcomes and resting in His faithfulness.

There was a moment in my journey when I asked God, “What if I step out in love and get hurt?” His response? “What if you step out and experience something beyond what you imagined?” That shift in perspective changed everything.

3. Taking Small Steps into Love

We don’t have to take giant leaps into vulnerability all at once. Small steps are powerful:

• Choosing honesty in a conversation where we’d normally hold back.
• Practicing forgiveness instead of shutting down.
• Allowing someone to see our needs instead of pretending we don’t have any.

Love grows in the small, everyday choices to trust.

The Beauty of Fearless Love

What does love look like when fear no longer holds us back? It looks like freedom. It looks like the ability to show up, fully, without masks or defenses.

1. Love Without Conditions

So much of the love we’ve experienced in the world has been transactional: If you do this, then I will love you. But God’s love isn’t conditional. It doesn’t wait for us to be perfect. It doesn’t retreat when we fail.

When we begin to walk in fearless love, we:

• Love people where they are, not where we think they should be.
• Give grace, even when we don’t understand someone’s journey.
• Stop withholding love as a means of self-protection.

For years, I was afraid that if I gave love too freely, it would cost me. But then I realized—love that is freely given is the most powerful force in existence. It transforms. It is what we were created from and what we were created for!

2. The Strength of Love

The world often mistakes love for weakness. But fearless love is the strongest force there is. Jesus demonstrated this when He loved to the point of laying down His life.

Walking in fearless love means:

• Refusing to let bitterness take root, even when we’ve been hurt.
• Loving boldly, even when it’s inconvenient.
• Seeing people through the eyes of redemption, not just their brokenness.

One of the most powerful moments of my life was realizing that loving courageously is never a loss. Even if love isn’t returned in the way we expect, it still fulfills its purpose.

3. Living a Love-Filled Life

Fearless love impacts every area of our lives:

• In relationships – It creates deeper, more authentic connections.
• In our calling – It empowers us to take risks and walk boldly in our purpose.
• In our faith – It allows us to trust God in ways we never imagined.

God didn’t create us to live in fear. He created us to be fully alive in love.

Take the First Step

Stepping out of fear and into love isn’t a one-time event; it’s a lifelong journey. But every journey starts with one step.

1. Ask Yourself the Right Questions

• Where has fear kept me from deeper love?
• What lies am I believing about love and vulnerability?
• What is one small step I can take today to trust love more?

2. A Prayer to Step Into Love

Father, I know You are Love itself. I want to trust love more than fear. I ask You to heal the places in me that have been afraid, to restore the parts of my heart that have been guarded for too long. Give me the courage to take the first step into fearless love today. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

3. An Invitation to Go Deeper

If this journey resonates with you, I want to invite you to dive deeper. My book, Marked by Love, is a guide to stepping out of fear and encountering Love Himself. You can download a free chapter here.

Additionally, I share more about living in fearless love on my podcast, Perspectives with Catherine Toon. Click here to listen.

4. Just Take One Step

Fear will always give us reasons to wait. But love invites us to step forward—now.

So here’s my challenge for you:
What is one place in your life where fear is holding you back from deeper love?

God is inviting you to step beyond your walls and into the love you were created for.

Will you say yes?

With Love,

Catherine Toon