Honor Heals What Division Breaks: Loving Ourselves and Others in Disagreement

When Unity Is Tested in a Divided World

What do you do when you love someone… but deeply disagree with them?

That’s not a rhetorical question anymore—it’s our everyday reality. We’re living in a world fractured by disagreement. Nations rage over politics. Churches split over theology. Families fracture over morality, justice, and identity. It’s happening globally, not just nationally—and, because of so much media attention, it seems to only be getting worse. The truth is that this has been an issue since the beginning of the fall of humanity and the seen realm. 

Even in the Body of Christ, we’re watching conversations turn combative, friends become strangers, and communities crumble—all because we haven’t learned how to disagree with love. In our need to be “right,” we’ve forgotten how to be kind.

But Jesus never said we’d all think the same. He prayed we’d be one (John 17:21)—not identical, not homogenized, but united in Love.

The Apostle John didn’t pull punches when he wrote:

If anyone claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister, he is a liar. – 1 John 4:20 (NIV, emphasis added)

Let that land.

Love and animosity cannot continually coexist in the same heart and not damage that heart. And yet, many of us live as if our theology justifies our hostility. But the truth is this: division isn’t a fruit of the Spirit. Love is.

It’s time to reclaim a better way. A Kingdom way. A way where honor heals what division tries to destroy.

The Healing Power of Honor

Honor is more than respect. It’s more than politeness. In the Kingdom, honor is a spiritual force that sees past someone’s brokenness and recognizes their God-given value. That includes every human being.

To honor someone doesn’t mean you agree with them. It means you recognize the image of God in them, that defines who they truly are. It means you treat them—not according to your opinion—but according to their divine origin.

In a powerful encounter recently shared by my friend Shannon Bates on my podcast, the Lord revealed something stunning: Until we restore honor to its rightful place, we will not fully access the heart chambers of Yahweh.

Why? Because Love reigns and always honors, even in the face of dishonor. 

When we dishonor someone, we’re not just being rude—we’re cutting off connection. We’re stepping out of union. And we’re forgetting the very pattern Jesus gave us.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. – Romans 12:10 (NIV)

Shannon described seeing the being of Honor as a living, grieving presence—one that revealed how casually we tear down what God holds sacred. Behind closed doors, in whispered critiques, social media takedowns, and in the recesses of our own hearts, we’ve normalized dishonor. But in God’s Kingdom, it breaks His heart.

Let’s be clear: honor doesn’t mean silence in the face of harm. It means we confront from connection, not condemnation. It means we speak the truth—but only in Love as led by the Person of Love (Ephesians 4:15). And it means we treat others as heirs of the same inheritance, even if their journey looks nothing like ours.

Because honor heals what arguing never will.

Disconnection Is Beneath Our Identity

We are sons and daughters of Love. So why are we acting like orphans when we disagree?

Let’s be honest—many of us have been trained to walk away from people the moment things get hard. We cut off family over politics. We cancel leaders over doctrinal differences. We leave churches because someone hurt our feelings. And slowly, we justify disconnection as discernment. And so we deceive ourselves. 

That is not to say that we are to stay in toxic relationships that are truly harmful, and not to use wisdom with boundaries. God will lead us out of abusive dynamics and truly toxic relationships, but we let Him do it—not offense. Just because we disagree and have issues in a relationship, does not make it toxic enough to cut off relationship. And in today’s society especially, people use this kind of language to justify not dealing with our stuff and doing the hard work involved in relationships. 

Let me put it bluntly to bring clarity: Jesus is Lord, not our emotions, and not offense. 

Indeed, Love is not touchy. Meditate on this gorgeous challenging verse:

Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. – 1 Corinthians 3:5b (AMPC, emphasis added)

When we break God-given relationship over disagreement, we’ve forgotten who we are.

Jesus intimately knew about scathing and heartbreaking disagreement. He walked with doubters, deniers, and even betrayers. And yet, He still washed their feet. He still broke bread with them. He still called them friends.

So why do we think we’re justified in withdrawing and withholding love when someone votes differently, believes differently, or interprets scripture differently?

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. – Ephesians 4:3 (NIV)

That word “effort” means it takes work. It takes maturity. It takes humility. 

God charges us to love and bless our enemies (Matt. 5:44). The more we do that the more we find we, like God, have no true human enemies. 

Disconnection because of disagreement is beneath our spiritual DNA. We are in Christ, of Christ, and are as Christ in this world. And Christ is not divided (1 Corinthians 1:13).

That doesn’t mean we ignore truth. But it does mean we hold truth in Love. There are times to keep silent. Truth that people are not ready for can damage (John 16:12). It means we stay soft-hearted, even when others are hard. That means we take our hurts, our anger and offenses to the Lord and let Him heal them. It means we ask God, “How can I honor this person—even if I never agree with them?”

Because honor isn’t about agreement. It’s about alignment—with Love Himself.

Honor Starts with You

Here’s a truth we often overlook: we can’t honor others well if we haven’t learned to honor ourselves.

Many of us are walking around dishonoring our own God-given identity—criticizing our bodies, doubting our worth, comparing our journey to others. But when we see ourselves through the eyes of Love, we begin to live from wholeness, not lack. And that changes everything.

Shannon also shared a profound moment when her young son asked her, “Mommy, why is your tummy so big?” Instead of shame or excuse, she looked him in the eyes and said, “Because it carried greatness.” That one statement didn’t just shift her—it shifted his identity, too.

Friend, what if the parts of you you’ve rejected are the very places God has planted glory?

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. – Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

It’s not pride to honor how God made you. It’s humility. Because you’re not your own workmanship—you’re His. And when you begin to bless what God has blessed, you’ll start seeing yourself and others through eyes of compassion instead of criticism.

Love at the Table: Making Room for Difference

In God’s Kingdom, there’s a seat at the table for every tribe, every tongue, every type of person. Don’t you love that!?

Shannon spoke of a prophetic picture—a banquet table that stretches endlessly, with napkins carefully folded and seats prepared for people from all backgrounds, denominations, and stories. It’s not a table of conformity. It’s a table of honor.

Some have walked away from your table. Some have betrayed your trust. Others have judged your journey. But what if God is asking you to keep their place set anyway?

Love is patient, love is kind… it keeps no record of wrongs. – 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 (NIV)

That doesn’t mean you tolerate abuse or abandon healthy boundaries. It means you stay willing to love, to forgive, and to leave the door open as God leads.

Here are a few simple ways to let honor heal broken connections:

• Bless instead of bash. Speak words of life—even about those who’ve hurt you (this includes to yourself about yourself). This will heal YOU!
• See the gold, not the grime. Ask God to show you how He sees them. Spoiler alert: He’s wild about them and wild about you!!
• Keep your heart soft. In your heart, refuse to let offense close the door to godly connection.

Honor heals because it refuses to reduce someone to their mistakes. It remembers who they really are—who God made them to be.

And that’s the kind of love that can’t help but transform.

A Love That Heals to the End

One of the most powerful stories Shannon shared was about a woman the world might have written off—a rough, hurting single mom who had little support, a sharp tongue, and a hardened heart.

But Shannon didn’t try to “fix” her. Instead, she loved her.

She invited her in, holiday after holiday. Showed up at baseball games. Sat with her through chemotherapy. Loved her through cursing and chaos. And eventually… this woman surrendered her life to Jesus—not because someone preached at her, but because someone honored her.

“You loved me where I was,” she told Shannon. “You didn’t come at me with a list of requirements. You just loved me.”

Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? – Romans 2:4 (NIV)

This woman died in peace, knowing who she was in Christ, surrounded by people who loved her because honor heals.

And here’s the miracle: when you honor someone where they are, you partner with Heaven in unlocking who they really are.

That’s the gospel. That’s transformation. That’s Jesus.

Let Honor Heal Through You

Beloved, the world doesn’t need more arguments. It needs more open hearts and open tables.

It needs more people who will fold napkins for the prodigal. Who will keep places set for the estranged. Who will love without prerequisites and honor without conditions.

Honor is not weakness—it’s Kingdom strength. It’s choosing to see people by the Spirit, not the flesh (2 Corinthians 5:16). It’s holding the tension of truth and tenderness. It’s looking into the eyes of someone you don’t understand and still saying, “You are loved. You belong. You matter.”

Because even in disagreement… love can remain intact.

So I bless you with this:

• May you honor yourself as the masterpiece God made you to be.
• May you honor others even when you disagree.
• And may you let honor heal what division has broken in your life and relationships.

Let Love do what He always does—make a way.

And if this stirred something in you, I encourage you to go deeper with these related blogs and the podcast:

👉 Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Love Heals
👉 5 Ways to Build Godly Relationships With Love
👉 Podcast Episode: Fostering Oneness Through Honor & Love | Interview with Shannon Bates – while you are there, make sure to like and subscribe! That will help me get the message out and bring more wonderful content!

Let’s make room for the fullness of the Body. Let’s set the table again.

Because honor heals and Love never fails.

Love, Catherine Toon